The Dating Game

06 Aug

I did it! I asked someone out on a date. I was bold and outgoing. The quintessential, confident modern woman. Aren’t you proud of me?

Fine, I admit, I felt too conscious to do it face-to-face and used the next best option – a facebook message. Still don’t I deserve points for a lifetime first? Anyway, this is how it went:

Hi xxx,

That’s a lovely profile picture you’ve put up 🙂:-)

Since our daughters have been getting along quite well for over two months, I though it would be nice to arrange a play date sometime.

Let me know if you are interested in meeting for coffee, to get to know each other better and work out the details.

– Nmaha

Yes, I asked a potential girlfriend out on that first coffee date. Let me tell you, approaching a girl, is way tougher than inviting a boy out (no matter how hot or successful). Yes, I did have my little V’s help in this (Thank God for unwitting children). Thing is we have been talking at the school drop-off every morning. She even sent a text to let me know when we had an unexpected day off and added me on facebook. If that isn’t a clear indication of interest, I don’t know what is.

You see, I realize I’ve become something of a social recluse and decided to tackle this issue head-on. The first (and currently only) real forum was the school run. So wish me luck and I’ll keep you updated.

P.S. – Could I have done it differently or any better. Please be nice and constructive. I could use the tips (I’m actually depending on you all to steer me in the right direction), however, I am also emotionally fragile when it comes to friends. If you were xxx, would you have responded positively?

P.S.S. – I miss not having my girlfriends close by. This making friends thing is much tougher off the playground.



Posted by on August 6, 2011 in Creating a Social Life, The Real Me


Tags: , , ,

16 responses to “The Dating Game

  1. Mwa (Lost in Translation)

    August 10, 2011 at 4:01 am

    It’s so much stress, the girlfriend dating game. I’m glad you’ve put yourself out there. It’s scary, but worth it!

    • nmaha

      August 10, 2011 at 5:52 pm

      Yay! ure back. How was the internet-free break?

      I knowwww………….but guess what, you must be my lucky charm, coz she replied this morning. Now I’m wondering do we have a waiting rule here, like with the boys, or can I reply immediately?

      • Mwa (Lost in Translation)

        August 25, 2011 at 3:35 am

        Well, did she say yes? I bet she did. Waiting half a day is plenty. 🙂

      • nmaha

        August 25, 2011 at 11:23 pm

        She did! We are still struggling to set a date since there are prior family commitments that both of us have. I think this is a good start for someone as shy as me.

  2. Rachel @ MWF Seeking BFF

    August 9, 2011 at 2:39 am

    Congrats! It’s totally scary asking a friend out. I totally get it. But making that first move is so important. And using your child as your “in” is genius. I feel like one huge benefit of having kids (besides, you know, bringing a life into this world etc..) will be the new friend possibilities that will immediately open up to me.

    In terms of “doing anything better,” the only thing I would say is that, personally, I am horrible at Facebook messaging (I always forget to respond) so if you don’t hear back, don’t be discouraged. If you see her, just say “I sent you a Facebook message, but I know those can be a pain so just wanted to know if you might want to set up a date for the kids?” You can do it!

    • nmaha

      August 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm

      Hi Rachel, it’s so heartening to see you here.
      I love the way you suggest casually bringing-up the message in a conversation. I’m going to try it out.

    • nmaha

      August 9, 2011 at 9:27 pm

      I know, it’s my cousin who opened my eyes to the school-friend possibilities. Though she insists on a coffee date first to see if she and the other mommy get along well 🙂

  3. nmaha

    August 8, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Sanjana/Suzannah/The Wild Child,

    I realised, maybe I haven’t been too clear, sorry :-(. Actually, I’ve never asked a guy out (I’ve dated only one guy ever, the techie), however, the thought of it has never ever made me anxious. I’m sure you are ready to throw sticks at me now 🙂 Growing-up I always had more guys as friends and felt absolutely comfortable around them.

    Point is I’m much more unsure around new women, coz for some reason, I feel they are judging me. I need to know that the person likes me first before I let them know that I like them! Any cures?

    Sanjana, you may need to give the three of us some lessons in approaching women. I can call you directly to setup the coffee date (since I’ve known you for somewhere between 15-20 years).

    • Sanjana

      August 8, 2011 at 9:13 pm

      I’m comfortable around guys too, if they’re friends! If I have a crush on one of them, then things go downhill! 😛
      Asking out a guy on a date would be unimaginable! Although asking them out as friends is just like asking out women- easy peasy! “Dude! Wanna watch that new flick?” simple! 😀

      And sure, gimme a call and set up the coffee date! And remember, we have a girls’ night out pending too! 😀 (see how easy that was?)

  4. The Wild Child

    August 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I’ve never asked a guy out. With girls, I’ve done the same thing you did. I’m cautious enough to wait for a sign of interest from the other party before I make a move. For instance, a girl I met at a meetup text’ed and said she couldn’t find me on FB so could I add her. At that point it was totally fine for me to ask her out via a FB message. But if I’d been the first to add her on FB, I’d have waited for her to send me a message/post something on my wall before asking her out. Yeah, that’s the kind of loser I am! 🙂

  5. Suzannah

    August 8, 2011 at 11:31 am

    I am totally feeling ya! Last year I started a new search for some new girlfriends. I also started with a mother of my daughter’s friend. I am such a chicken! I texted her an invite to go get a pedicure. A text was more comfortable to me, less face to face awkwardness, I guess. She said yes! We are not super close now, but my confidence grew a lot. Just by stepping out of my comfort zone.
    So I think the message you sent was perfect, she will say yes! I am sure of it:-)!@!
    But after yall get coffee, and all goes well..text, Fb, or call SOON about anything…just to keep communication ongoing.

  6. Sanjana

    August 7, 2011 at 2:52 am


    I don’t see why you need to be worried at all. FB is an accepted way of asking I suppose.
    If it were me, I’d just call and start chatting and just make plans. But FB is fine too.

    Asking a guy out is wayyyy more difficult than asking out a girl (for me anyway).
    If I’m asking out a girl, since I’m straight (and assuming she knows that), I won’t be too fussed about whether she befriends me or not. If she doesn’t, she’s not my type, if she does, cool! I’ll have a new friend to do stuff with.
    With guys, I never really asked out anyone on a date (cos I’m a wuss like that!) 😛


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