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Winning Against Ourselves – Mind Games

V comes up to me this morning and starts talking about school.

“Mommy I’m really getting fast at running, I ran past S and K when we had games period yesterday.”

“That’s great V but isn’t the running part more fun than the running past other children part?”

“Yup, I love running with you in the park mommy, and we run together. So, I loooooooove running. It’s almost like flying a bit. But mommy I can’t go faster than the boys you know. That’s okay coz A (my nephew) told me that boys are stronger than girls.”

That put me in a dilemma, I didn’t want to encourage competitiveness in a child not yet 5 years old, but I also didn’t want to leave her with the weaker gender idea. That’s when I had a half-formed brain wave.

“V do you know far we run together at the park?”

“Yup 3 rounds?”

“Right and that’s one and a half kilometers darling. I’m sure no one in your class, boy or girl, runs that long and far.”

“I don’t know mommy. Their mommies don’t take them running so how will they know?”

Okay…… that was the second spanner in my works. Still, I decided to gamely plough on.

“Right, darling but here’s my point. See we are both girls and we are doing something nobody else in your class is doing, boy or girl. It doesn’t matter who’s stronger or weaker. All that we need to think about is this. Do we really want to do something? If we do, we keep doing it and enjoying it. After a while we will become the best at it. So the next time A or anyone else tells you that someone is stronger or weaker, tell them this. ‘The person who really wants to do something and enjoys it, is stronger and the person who doesn’t is weaker.'”

I don’t know if I got through to her this time or if the the idea was too convoluted. However, I’m making a promise on this Women’s Day to keep reminding myself, my daughter and my nieces that we can be and achieve whatever we want as long as we really want it and enjoy it. Gender is just a category like hair colour or height, it can’t affect who we are and what we choose to become. Yes, we’ll have a lot of battles to fight as women, but let’s win the one in our minds first. 

P.S. – Funnily my first ever post on this blog was on gender discrimination 🙂

P.P.S – It doesn’t matter if your little girl chooses to play a princess game or climb a tree. As long as she is confident in herself as an individual, she will make the right choices for herself.

P.P.P.S – Wow! I just realised (when I went to get the link to my first article) that today is this blog’s two year anniversary! I somehow missed the first one! Yay! Happy Anniversary to me.

Update: A couple of days back I found a new trophy in V’s prayer basket. She apparently won the girls running race for her LKG batch. That’s like first among 60 kids, I’m guessing the boy- girl ration is 50-50. Now I know where that boys being faster/stronger than girls discussion came from. It’s the school making them compete separately. She never mentioned winning and she just shrugged when I asked her about it!

Photo Credit: Image 1

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The Dating Game

I did it! I asked someone out on a date. I was bold and outgoing. The quintessential, confident modern woman. Aren’t you proud of me?

Fine, I admit, I felt too conscious to do it face-to-face and used the next best option – a facebook message. Still don’t I deserve points for a lifetime first? Anyway, this is how it went:

Hi xxx,

That’s a lovely profile picture you’ve put up 🙂:-)

Since our daughters have been getting along quite well for over two months, I though it would be nice to arrange a play date sometime.

Let me know if you are interested in meeting for coffee, to get to know each other better and work out the details.

– Nmaha

Yes, I asked a potential girlfriend out on that first coffee date. Let me tell you, approaching a girl, is way tougher than inviting a boy out (no matter how hot or successful). Yes, I did have my little V’s help in this (Thank God for unwitting children). Thing is we have been talking at the school drop-off every morning. She even sent a text to let me know when we had an unexpected day off and added me on facebook. If that isn’t a clear indication of interest, I don’t know what is.

You see, I realize I’ve become something of a social recluse and decided to tackle this issue head-on. The first (and currently only) real forum was the school run. So wish me luck and I’ll keep you updated.

P.S. – Could I have done it differently or any better. Please be nice and constructive. I could use the tips (I’m actually depending on you all to steer me in the right direction), however, I am also emotionally fragile when it comes to friends. If you were xxx, would you have responded positively?

P.S.S. – I miss not having my girlfriends close by. This making friends thing is much tougher off the playground.

 

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2011 in Creating a Social Life, The Real Me

 

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Weekly Synergy: Win or Lose

Most people would do a weekly round-up on a Friday or Saturday, but I feel a desperate need to share, so Thursday it is.

  • Writing an investor update is tough; whichever stage your business is at and however confident you are about your business model. At the start-up stage, you are desperately trying to justify your spends. At the growth stage, you are continuously fighting to determine your position in the market (No. 1 if I take these parameters, No. 3 if I take this region….it’s endless). For a mature company, it’s why you have stagnated while the start-ups are exploding. All my writing skill and energy has been going into this, and my poor blog has suffered. Sorry darling, I’ll make it up to you.
  • Dressing up in the middle of the week for no reason, does get your spirits up. I read a lot of fashion blogs and was inspired to try something different yesterday. It felt so good when I remembered my planned outfit in the morning, plus I got compliments all day.
  • Working mother’s guilt is especially strong if you are the only full-time working mom (read 12-14 hour work days) in the class. I signed up for 4 volunteer activities, which I have no time for. While the perfect SAHM moms, who spend all this quality time with their kids, gave me a smug smile (the superior ones) or an encouraging chin-up kind-of smile (the nice ones) and signed up for just one activity! What have I done! I can say no to a high powered investor, however, I can’t refuse a disapproving primary school teacher. I actually shot my arm up in the air and shouted “me, I’ll do it”, before realizing I had no competition and turning beet red. I hope V doesn’t grow-up to deny our relationship. She did give me a grin this time, hope it doesn’t turn into a “not cool mommy” soon.
This week’s assessment: Work wins, life almost loses (unless you count the fact that V and I are going to spend project time having fun tonight).
 

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